We are trying to live more intentionally. I guess it's sorta working. It looks that way from the outside anyway. On the inside I feel lousy. I feel guilty for never really helping others the way I would like to. I see things I could do- money I could donate but I feel like I'm a really big cheapskate and I'm really selfish.
I don't like to be superficial. Is this blog becoming way too superficial? Do I really talk about who I am, is this my voice? How come there isn't more talk of God on here. Am I ashamed- is that the real reason? I see these bloggers who write beautifully about their faith, but I think that's not me. Why isn't that me? Do I want to be known for my art or my walk with God? If you read what I write it doesn't look like I care. I do, I have a hard time sharing it openly. I don't write eloquently or cute. I'm blunt and cynical and never stop with the run on sentences. I want to be more genuine, more authentic. It is good to be open with people- tell it how it really is every once in awhile. This is real life. Life has struggles. I struggle. God listens, He hears me. I know this- I'll keep pounding away and He will put up with it- He will do so much more than that. It's this crazy love He has that I can never understand. Then I go through this cycle. I feel guilty-I ask for forgiveness-I am forgiven-I am relieved-I sin-I feel bad again- I know I don't need to- this is the walk. That whole feeling bad- the guilt- my sin- I don't do a good job of sharing that openly. Who wants to admit it? It's hard. Yes so I feel weird posting this, but that's that.